So you think you know about Domestic Abuse?
- Look at the question first.
- Decide on your answer (Is this abuse or not)
- Then click on "view answer" to see the answer we have provided.
Look at the following and decide which of the situations being described are about Domestic Abuse?
Question 1
Every time I disagree with my girlfriend she gets really easily upset and then doesn’t speak to me for days. She always seems to be sulking and it’s getting me down.
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Answer
Controlling behaviour can be very subtle.
If someone sulks or doesn’t speak to you every time you disagree with their point of view; the next time you think about disagreeing you may be tempted to go along with what they want just because it’s easier. This is a very subtle form of control but it is nevertheless a way of affecting another person’s behaviour within a relationship. This is a form of Emotional Abuse.
Question 2
The man who lives next door to my Nan keeps hitting his wife. They’re really old and my Nan says it’s their business and we shouldn’t interfere.
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Answer
Domestic Abuse isn’t only a problem for young people. It can happen to anyone
at any age. Domestic Abuse is sometimes regarded as a private matter between two people; but it is a crime, like any other. It would not be acceptable for one person to hit another person in the street, so why should it be acceptable within a person’s home. Home should be somewhere where a person feels safe. This is a form of Physical Abuse, which is often the most obvious form of Domestic Abuse.
Question 3
I love my girlfriend to bits but whenever she flirts with other guys I get so jealous I just can’t stop myself from yelling at her. The last time it happened I smashed my glass on the floor in temper. Still that’s better than hitting her and it’s her own fault for flirting.
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Answer
Young people sometimes tell us that aggressive behaviour is acceptable in certain circumstances, for example when one person flirts or cheats on another. They consider that it is partially the fault of the other person and that in some way it’s what they deserve. However, deliberately intimidating or frightening another person is never acceptable and no-one deserves to be treated in this way. Although smashing an object or hitting a wall may appear better/preferable to actually hitting another person, this can still be extremely threatening and is definitely a way of controlling another person’s behaviour. This would be considered a form of Emotional, or indeed Physical Abuse.
Question 4
I don’t know how to help my daughter. Her partner will not allow her to have any money of her own. She’s at home all day with her young children and doesn’t work so has to rely on him for everything. I don’t think he ever gives her any money other than to buy food and things for the children.
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Answer
This type of Domestic Abuse is known as Financial Abuse and is not something that most people would think of. It can be a very effective way of one person controlling another. In a situation where one person completely controls the finances and doesn’t allow their partner to have any money of their own, that person may feel that they are unable to leave the situation.
Question 5
My Mum hit me across the face last night; it’s not the first time. She only does it when she’s stressed and is always really sorry afterwards and promises she’ll never do it again. I’m worried she may do it to my little brother and sister.
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Answer
This situation shows that it is not only men who abuse. This is not just a one off this has happened before and is likely to continue happening. In addition, there is always the possibility that it will get worse. Many excuses are made for abusive behaviour and “being stressed” is one of them. There is no excuse for abusive behaviour. Again, this is an example of Physical Abuse.
Question 6
I’m worried about one of my pupils in Year 9. She’s told me that her boyfriend in Year 11 is trying to pressurise her into having sex. She says she’s told him that she’s not ready but he has threatened to dump her unless she sleeps with him.
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Answer
When discussing Sexual Abuse, young people sometimes assume that this refers to a sexual assault or rape. In fact, something which may appear as insignificant as making sexual jokes about another person, or making derogatory remarks about a person’s gender or sexuality can also be classed as Sexual Abuse and used to control someone. The same is true of unwanted touching, or even making a person look at indecent images. Pressurising another person into having sex when they are not ready is another form of Sexual Abuse and none of these things should be tolerated.
Question 7
My Mum and Dad are always shouting and screaming- I can’t remember the last time they were nice to each other. It’s worse at night when they think I’m asleep in bed but I can still hear them. It really upsets me and I wish they’d stop.
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Answer
When two adults are constantly arguing and there are children living in the same home, their behaviour will undoubtedly have an effect on them. Even when adults think the children are out of the way and unable to hear what’s going on, they will usually be aware and it can be deeply upsetting for them. Children are often very sensitive to changes in atmosphere. The fact that both adults appear to be as bad as each other does not make the relationship any less of an abusive one. Both partners are Emotionally Abusing one another.
Question 8
My mate’s gay and is always arguing with his boyfriend. He tells him that he’s fat and lazy. His boyfriend gets mad and then tells him that he’s stupid. They’re like it all the time. They’re as bad as each other.
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Answer
Another common myth is that Domestic Abuse only happens between men and women. Because Domestic Abuse is to do with Power and Control, rather than gender, it can just as easily happen in same sex relationships. Constantly putting someone down and insulting them can be very damaging to a person’s self-esteem and is clearly a form of Emotional Abuse.
All of the above are potentially examples of Domestic Abuse. The main cause of Domestic Abuse is when one person has Power and Control over someone else. Domestic Abuse is something that happens over a period of time-it’s not just a one off.
Not all Domestic Abuse is obvious.